It all started when I read my short and sweet bucket list out loud. I was challenged to take a step back from the busy work of starting a business. Nowadays there are courses for everything, and for a learner like me, I want to dive into as many as I can. One of my coaches, Tanis Frame, sensed that I wasn’t getting into the heart of my business as I’ve been busy seeking out information and guidance.
When Tanis suggested making this a six week challenge, I balked internally. What would it mean for me to turn my plans of getting my business up and running on their head and focus on living my dream? My bucket list is packed full of experiences – traveling, being in nature, running a business that helps people love themselves (and thus the world) more, writing a book, and more. I keep dreaming of more adventure, adventure that isn’t found in setting up a payment system or getting my videos up for sale or taking a course. Her challenge seemed preposterous and at the same time totally fitting.
What if taking my foot off the gas pedal towards my goals would help me reach my goals?
What drove me to leave my previous business was my inability to do the things that I felt were essential for me to live the kind of life I wanted without guilt. My intent in making the monumental and difficult shift out of my old business was to create something in which I could learn to love myself in and share what I learn with others.
Right after I decided to run with this challenge, I went on a Wilder Running and writing retreat with writing teacher and running coach (former pro-runner) Lauren Fleshman. In reflection of my time there, I wrote, “It’s always a choice. Do we put our heads down and bang towards our goals or do we take a slight detour to experience magic?”
Here’s one piece of magic that tumbled out of me as I wrote at my retreat:
Bless the wicked wind blowing cold air.
Bless the throbbing of my tooth and the hours spent in the dentist’s chair
Bless the movies of nature’s beauty plastered on the ceiling of my endodontist’s office as I try to stop thinking of the saliva and all that could go wrong.
Bless the bicycles my children refuse to ride.
Bless the rollerblades that give my daughter some semblance of air flowing through her hair.
Bless my desires for my children, for our family.
Bless the hairy body of my spouse.
Bless the smell of his medications, though really, why?
Bless my toenails, the crooked and bumpy gnarled nails that have grown in place of all of the ones that have fallen off.
Bless the sweat that drips down my back and off my nose, that colors the crotch of my capris.
Bless the teenagers who stare and probably wonder how I managed to pee my pants.
Bless youth and all of the hidden truths lurking.
Bless new eyes and fresh perspectives – the things that have yet to be revealed as we age and find the world evolved to places our imaginations may never dreamed possible.
Bless the hayday of astrology.
Bless those who seek to love themselves and teach others what they learn along the way.
Bless the haters who don’t believe they need love.
Bless the earth in its evolutions, the melting of its icecaps, the warming of the seas, the change of our meteorology.
Bless us as we strain to see what we hesitate to want to see.
Bless the peace we find within.
Bless the dreams of the generations of kids who see what we cannot.
Bless joy. Let it bubble up in the midst of strife and sadness.
Bless the storms and the paths where their destruction causes devastation.
Bless the oxygen and the sea life that so amazingly emits more than we knew.
Bless the unknown, the uncertain, the gap between what is and what will be.
Bless this moment and the sun filtering through the window, my heart beating, my breath moving in through my nose, the ache in my chest, the sound of the stove firing up and the pencils scratching across paper.
Bless rosy cheeks.
Bless the music that erupts through fingers and out of mouths.
Bless piano, cello, violin, synthesizer, drums, recorders, trumpets.
Bless the eagle cry. The sounds echoing in the woods, the muffled footfall of a mountain lion or a bear.
There’s a time for banging towards our goals. There’s a time for the slight detour. To get where I want to go with Stoking Radiance, and really within myself, this is the time for me to set aside that culturally accepted way of banging towards the goal and experiment with a more intuitive and expressive entry way. What other magic will I find?