Today I will not take a drink

I wasn’t a drinker until I was. I’m not a party drinker, not a social drinker, not a drinker to have fun. I enjoy wine. The smell, the taste, the numbing qualities. Yes. The numbing qualities. I drink to relax and not feel all the feelings so intensely.

As a mom, it’s cool to drink. Wine o’clock is all the rave. The reality for me is that wine o’clock is just an excuse to do what I always do. Have a few glasses. In the past it was because I had a lot of pain that I hadn’t dealt with. Let’s be real. The pain is still there. It won’t go away. Pain is so uncomfortably part of life. But I’ve been facing my pain. I’ve been allowing myself to feel it and notice how to feel joy at the same time.

AND I have found my purpose – that is being healthy inside and out, and helping others do the same through fitness. I have made a promise to myself to live that purpose every day, and I do. Except for cheese crackers and wine and probably a few other things. Drinking is really where I have been living out of alignment with my integrity.

Here’s how I coach my ladies. I ask them to do one small thing today to make change.

I have been doing one small thing towards not drinking for quite a while but it hasn’t helped me throw the bottle away or stop buying wine. Actually, it has. One month here, three months there. I started drinking again.

Here’s my one small step for the day. I forgive myself. My second small step for the day – writing this. I’ll let you know how it goes by tomorrow.

All I know is that putting my story out there and possibly making some new friends who are in the same boat is what I need to do to make my change. It’s not going to be polished, witty or awesome. I don’t have time for that right now! It’s just going to be me. Really really me.